


One Year

by ellipsometry



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Implied Incest, M/M, Multi, Pesterlog, Polyamory, Teen Angst, karkat arguing with himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 03:05:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellipsometry/pseuds/ellipsometry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><span class="karkat">CG: HEY</span><br/><span class="karkat">CG: OH DON'T WORRY I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO RESPOND.</span><br/><span class="karkat">CG: SEE THIS IS A FUN LITTLE GAME I LIKE TO PLAY WITH MYSELF WHEN I'M FEELING PARTICULARLY SELF-LOATHING.</span><br/><span class="karkat">CG: I SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR A RESPONSE I KNOW IS NEVER COMING.</span><br/><span class="karkat">CG: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I THINK THAT'S DOWNRIGHT FUCKING POETIC.</span><br/>(HSO 2012 Round 3 entry for Team Jade♥John♥Karkat)</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Year

**Author's Note:**

> many thanks to my wonderful jjk teammates (●´∀｀●)

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

EB: i know i have probably asked this before but  
EB: since you're a basically omnipotent furry space witch.  
EB: is there ANY way you can make this ship go faster?  
GG: joooooooooooooooooohn  
GG: you know i cant :(  
GG: i wish i could  
EB: yeah...  
B: i guess if you could have you would have already done it?  
GG: im tired of being on this ship too, john  
EB: three years is... a long time.  
GG: another brilliant observation by john egbert!  
GG: :P  
EB: oh cram it you know what i mean!  
GG: i miss everyone :(  
GG: i miss dave and rose  
EB: i miss karkat.  
GG: i miss k  
GG: hey you beat me to it! hehe  
GG: so im guessing you were thinking about what we were talking about last night?  
GG: so youre not mad at me anymore??  
EB: no! no i am just... confused? i guess?  
EB: besides, there are not that many people on the ship to talk to so i can't afford to stay mad at you long.  
EB: the salamanders are adorable but not very good conversational partners.  
GG: aw!! :P  
EB: but i wasn't mad just...  
EB: i feel stupid. even though all i ever really did is argue with karkat i feel weird not being able to talk to him.  
EB: i don't know if i like him or whatever you were saying last night but  
EB: i do miss him. i miss dave and rose and even vriska too but it feels... different.  
GG: john...   
EB: wow that got really depressing really fast.  
EB: do you wanna just play some video games or something and like  
EB: not talk about our feelings? i think i have had enough of that for the year.  
GG: sure!  
GG: but i get to pick the game :D  
EB: noooooooo  
EB: i do not think i can handle another round of "fury of the furries"  
EB: worst! game!! ever!!!  
GG: rude!  
GG: john you just cant appreciate the subtle beauty of anthropomorphic animals  
EB: there is NOTHING subtle about your shitty furry games, jade.  
EB: need i remind you about the unlockable extra content???  
GG: oh NO...  
GG: shooosh shoosh how about  
GG: the misadventures of dragon tails?  
EB: no.  
GG: 'yiff!' the video game??  
EB: no fucking way.  
GG: brutal: paws of fury???  
EB: i am not playing anything else you suggest. i have learned my lesson.  
GG: not even battletoads????  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \-- 

Your name is Jade Harley and your brother is missing out on some seriously good video games.

Unfortunately, you're not feeling well and no number of awesome anthropomorphic-animal-themed video games are going to be able to cheer you up.

Last night John told you that he thinks he might like Karkat. Which is good! You also like Karkat and you love your brother but you were a bit blown away by the fact that it took him two years on a floating golden ship to realize he had a crush. 

(True, it took you about a year on the floating golden ship to realize that you liked Karkat in a more-than-friends-who-yell-at-each-other way, but that's a year shorter than it took John so you think you're winning the who-can-be-slightly-less-moronic race.)

It's weird, though. Weird how you never gave talking to Karkat a real chance until the game. Actually, you didn't even give him a real chance then; the game was three-quarters of the way over by the time you started thinking of him as anything more than That Angry Guy Who I Hate. You had barely started thinking of him as a friend when you died (and then became a god.)

And now you're apart again. For three years.

John was right. That is a long time.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

GG: karkat :(  
GG: im sorry i died when we were in the middle of talking  
GG: that was kind of rude hehe :P  
GG: can this last year please be over? just one more year?

He won't reply. He can't. You and John can talk on PesterChum to each other, but any messages to Rose or Dave or any of the trolls just... never get there. No one ever responds.

But even though it's permanently set to 'idle' you find yourself clicking on Karkat's trollhandle almost daily. You just type and type and type. It doesn't matter, he'll never read it. You think you'd give your left arm to be able to talk to him right now, to have him respond just once.

Well maybe not your arm. Maybe a pinky toe or something.

GG: i could say literally anything and you would never know  
GG: i could say  
GG: karkat youre a huge piece of shit!!!  
GG: or  
GG: karkat i think youre really awesome!!  
GG: karkat i think youre a much better person than you really give yourself credit for  
GG: i wish you would stop being so down on yourself  
GG: i wish we could start over since we neither of us made really good first impressions. we just yelled at each other  
GG: i miss you  
GG: john misses you  
GG: do you miss us??  
GG: its weird not talking to you all the time, john says so too  
GG: nothing is the same with you so far away and it sucks  
GG: im so sick of it!!! D:

You leave the chat window open while you go to play video games with John, for one reason or another. A feeble hope that maybe just this once it will get through to him, and that Karkat will be able to respond. You get the feeling that he'd respond in a heartbeat if he could. 

John's in a bad mood too and Davesprite is nowhere to be found. 

"Just one more year." You whisper gently into John's ear when he groans and throws his head back, looking up at the ceiling with what you think are the beginnings of tears in his eyes. The light must be playing tricks on you because John _never_ cries, but as you stroke his hair lovingly you're pretty sure you see a tear trickle down the side of his face. You don't say anything about it. 

It's frustrating, having all this time alone to think. It becomes easy to over-think things. 

Once you're all reunited, you're sure that frustration will end. 

But for now you're just talking to yourself, sending empty messages into the air, hoping they'll find somewhere solid to land. 

GG: karkat  
GG: i...  
GG: we  
GG: really need you

John reads the message over your shoulder and gives you a weak smile. You feel the tiniest bit better, getting that off your chest. And as you drift off to sleep that night, you think to yourself that one more year doesn't really seems that long at all. 

****

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] \--

CG: HEY  
CG: OH DON'T WORRY I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO RESPOND.  
CG: SEE THIS IS A FUN LITTLE GAME I LIKE TO PLAY WITH MYSELF WHEN I'M FEELING PARTICULARLY SELF-LOATHING.  
CG: I SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR A RESPONSE I KNOW IS NEVER COMING.  
CG: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I THINK THAT'S DOWNRIGHT FUCKING POETIC.

John doesn't respond. What a shocker. 

CG: I'M SORRY ABOUT VRISKA.  
CG: I'M SORRY I COULDN'T TELL YOU. I'M SORRY YOU STILL DON'T KNOW.  
CG: I  
CG: FUCK  
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] \--

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] \--

CG: JADE  
CG: JADE I'M SO SORRY.  
CG: I'M SO FUCKING SORRY.

You can't even bring yourself to send her anything else. Just looking at her chumhandle is almost too much. 

Another plea she'll never respond to, another apology she'll never see. You think about the last time you spoke to Jade, right before she died, right before she went God Tier. You feel sick to your stomach. 

All you want to do is talk to her. To talk to John. You wish that they were able to message you; you'd respond in a fucking heartbeat. Once you admitted that to yourself it became all you could really think about. But you're just sending messages that will never be read. You can't talk to them. 

So all you do is talk to yourself. 

\-- CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU CAN'T STOP THIKING ABOUT TWO BUCK-TOOTHED HUMAN FLESH BAGS --

CCG: I GUESS I SHOULD JUST DO THIS.  
CCG: THIS IS WHAT KANAYA CALLS A **SOLO THERAPUTIC FEELINGS JAM**  
CCG: THAT MEANS NO PAST OR FUTURE IDOTS  
CCG: I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH OF MYSELF BEFORE I'M LIABLE TO GO CRAZY AND KILL SOMEONE AND BY SOMEONE I MEAN STRIDER.  
CCG: IT'S FAR PAST FUCKNG TIME FOR HIM TO GO.  
CCG: IF HE EVER DRAWS ANOTHER BIT OF HUMAN GENETALIA ON MY FACE WHILE I'M SLEEPING I'M GOING TO RIP HIS SPINE OUT THROUGH HIS MOUTH AND USE IT AS A STRIPPER POLE.  
CCG: I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A HUMAN "STRIPPER" IS.  
CCG: STRIDER SAYS IT'S A KIND OF BRUTAL MERCENARY BUT HONESTLY I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF HIS INFERNAL NOISE TUBE.  
CCG: GOD I HATE THAT DOUCHEBAG.  
CCG: BUT THIS ISN'T ABOUT HIM, LIKE I SAID THIS IS GOING TO BE MY THERAPUTIC SOLO FUCKING FEELINGS JAM  
CCG: I GUESS.  
CCG: KANAYA SAYS THAT PRACTICING EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS IN A POSITIVE WAY WILL MAKE IT EASIER ONCE I ACTUALLY MEET YOU AND BY YOU I MEAN HARLEY AND EGBERT NOT OTHER DAVE THE FEATHERY DOUCHEBAG EDITION.  
CCG: I'M LITERALLY TALKING TO IMAGINARY PEOPLE FOR THE SAKE OF A PSYCHO-EXERCISE  
CCG: THIS IS HOW DAMN DESPERATE I'VE BECOME.  
CCG: BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WON'T EVER READ THIS.  
CCG: OR MAYBE YOU WILL MAYBE IN THE FUTURE YOU'LL STUMBLE UPON THIS MISERABLE, APPROPRIATELY ILL-NAMED MEMO.  
CCG: PROBABLY LAUGH AT HOW MUCH OF A GODDAMNED NOOKWHIFFING FAILURE I AM.  
CCG: OR NOT?  
CCG: I'M OFF TRACK AGAIN.  
CCG: A SMALL FAMILY JUST PERISHED IN THE DERAILMENT AND THE FUNERAL'S TOMORROW BUT I CAN'T MAKE IT BECAUSE I'M STUCK ON A SPEEDING ASTEROID.  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK WAS I EVEN SAYING.  
CCG: YOU INFECTED ME WITH YOUR SHITTY HUMAN *METERPHONES*  
CCG: WAIT NO.  
CCG: METAPHORS.  
CCG: FUCK  
CCG: YOUR LANGUAGE WAS WRITTEN BY A BULGEMUNCH IDIOT.  
CCG: SO I CAN'T GET IT RIGHT  
CCG: I CAN'T GET HUMANS RIGHT.  
CCG: I CAN'T GET YOU RIGHT.  
CCG: I DON'T GET YOU. EITHER OF YOU.  
CCG: I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU IN MY OWN HEAD WITHOUT FUCKING THINGS UP.  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 8801 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.  
FCG: YOU'RE TELLING ME. HOW WAS I EVER THIS MUCH OF A LOSER  
FCG: IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED OKAY. JOHN AND JADE AREN'T THAT COMPLICATED.  
CCG: I SAID NO FUTURE KARKATS!!!!  
CCG: **NONE**  
FCG: THAT'S COLD. I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT HERE  
CCG: NO FUCK YOU.  
FCG: WOW THAT STINGS YOUR INSULTS ARE REALLY HITTING TONIGHT.   
FCG: (THAT WAS SOME HUMAN SARCASM.)  
CCG: I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TO ARGUE I'M APPARENTLY IN THE MOOD TO *TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS* AND DO *EMOTIONAL EXERCISES*  
CCG: BUT BEORE I BAN YOUR SORRY ASS JUST TELL ME  
CCG: DO I EVER DO IT? DO I EVER PULL MY HEAD OUT OF MY OWN NOOK AND GET IT TOGETHER?  
FCG: WITH JOHN AND JADE?  
CCG: YEAH. I GUESS. WHAT'S IT LIKE WITH THEM FOR YOU? IN THE FUTURE AND SHIT.  
FCG: ON A SCALE FROM 1 -10?  
CCG: FUCKING  
CCG: SURE WHATEVER, SCALE OF 1 - 10.  
FCG: WELL I DON'T WANT TO GIVE IT AWAY.  
CCG: ARE FUCKING SHITTING ME????  
CCG: WELL WHATEVER THAT TELLS ME THAT IT EITHER WENT REALLY BADLY OR REALLY WELL.  
FCG: WELL. NOT NECESSARILY.  
FCG: ANY NUMBER OVER 5 MEANS YOU TOLD THEM YOUR FEELINGS AND THEY REACTED IN VARIOUS STAGES OF POSITIVITY. ANY NUMBER UNDER 5 MEANS THEY RESPONDED IN ANY VARIATION OF NEGATIVITY.  
FCG: SO IT COULD BE A MEDIOCRE 6. OR A SHITTY 2. OR AN AMAZING 10.  
CCG: ...  
CCG: I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE SO BADLY RIGHT NOW.  
CCG: I ALMOST WANT TO PUNCH MYSELF RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I'M YOU.  
CCG: IN 8801 HOURS I'M GOING TO PUNCH MYSELF BECAUSE I HATE YOU SO MUCH.  
FCG: WHAT THE FUCK!!!  
FCG: I JUST PUNCHED MYSELF!!  
CCG: HA HA HA  
CCG: IN ANY CASE WHATEVER I CHANGED MY MIND.  
CCG: FUCK YOU FUCK ME  
CCG: FUCK JOHN AND JADE.  
FCG: WELL, ACTUALLY, ABOUT THAT LAST ONE...  
CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.  
CCG: NOPE.  
CCG: NO NO NO NOT GETTING INTO THAT.  
CCG: ANYWAY.  
CCG: NOW THAT I'VE WASTED ENOUGH TIME SHITTING EMBARRASSMENT ALL OVER THIS MEMO LIKE FUCKING DIRHEEA  
CCG: WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY GETTING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DONE IN THE WAY OF ACTUALLY HELPING MYSELF ON AN EMOTIONAL PLANE CONCERNING THE BUCK-TOOTHED IDIOTS AFOREMENTIONED IN THE MEMO TITLE.  
CCG: I WANT TO SAY THAT I HOPE THAT YOU GUYS DON'T HATE ME.  
CCG: JOHN AND JADE, THAT IS.  
CCG: BECAUSE I DON'T HATE YOU.  
CCG: EVEN THOUGH I SAID I DID.  
CCG: THAT'S JUST SOMETHING I DO I GUESS, TELL PEOPLE THINGS I DON'T ACTUALLY MEAN. OR THAT ARE BASICALLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I ACTUALLY MEAN.  
CCG: IT'S JUST THAT  
CCG: EVERYTHING FEELS REALLY MESSED UP WITHOUT YOU TWO HERE. IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.  
CCG: FRIENDS OF MINE THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR SWEEPS ARE DEAD BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S JUST FUCKING PEACHY ACCORDING TO MY PSYCHE  
CCG: BECAUSE I'M MORE CONCERNED WITH HOW STRANGE AND EMPTY EVERYTHING FEELS JUST NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK TO YOU TWO MORONS.  
CCG: EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR WHAT?  
CCG: THE DURATION OF THIS GAME?  
CCG: I JUST WANT THESE THREE YEARS TO BE OVER.  
CCG: WOW  
CCG: OK  
CCG: THAT GOT REALLY HEAVY, DAMN THAT'S ALL YOU FUCKERS ARE GETTING OUT OF ME.  
CCG: ...  
CCG: <3  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] ceased responding to memo.  
CUURENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] responded to memo.  
CCG: WAIT NO THAT LOOKS STUPID.  
CCG: I TAKE BACK MY FEEBLE ATTEMPT AT TEXTUALLY EXPRESSING POSITIVE EMOTIONS.  
CCG: IF YOU COULD CALL THE HUMAN EMOTION OF *LOVE* POSITIVE, EVEN.  
CCG: SOUNDS MORE LIKE A DISEASE IF YOU ASK ME.  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] ceased responding to memo. 

You don't admit it when Kanaya asks, but you actually do feel a little bit better. You lie down and attempt to sleep, even though you know the sleep won't come. You think that one more year can't be that long. 


End file.
